you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
