Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
