i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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