Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
