I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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