Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
