dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
