apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
