I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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