guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
