I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have fence marks all over my body
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
