the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
