this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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