Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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