I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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