i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
