ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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