I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Actions speak louder than pants.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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