Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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