So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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