In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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