Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
