i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
