JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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