i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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