Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
