I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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