stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
wow bdsm is so cute
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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