I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
