I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
