wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
40s are totally the cure
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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