your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
