when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
