he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize