You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am available for nakedness
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