i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
