I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
