So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
