i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
