u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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