We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
