That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
