last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
