either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
