Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
