can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
