pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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