Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize