If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
