the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
