8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
