Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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