Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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