That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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