His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
