i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
