i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
