She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
