Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
