The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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